Deep Roots Podcast - Season 1

SEASON 1

SOLO ATLANTIC ROW

December 2017, from the side of a marina in a small town in one of Spain’s Canary Islands, Damian shoved Darien, his 7m long, 2m wide ocean rowing boat away, into the unknown. The goal to traverse 5000km of ferocious Atlantic ocean, solo and unsupported. Over the following 63 days he would endure storms, capsizes, Christmas & New Years Day, crippling sea sores & pressure sores, total steering system failure, a close call with a 300m cargo ship, making eye contact with a whale and much more on the incredible adventure few ever get to experience.

Day 1, the day everything that could go wrong, went wrong. After 588 days of preparation, plus 2 extra days because the

start of the race, the Talisker Whisky Atlantic Challenge, got put back due to weather conditions, I pushed my 7 metre (23 ft) ocean rowing boat away from the marina in La Gomera (Canary Islands) and rowed into the unknown.

I felt prepared for many things, but I was not ready for what happened after only 6 hours into a 5000km trans-Atlantic crossing

Mental redirects, clarity on what had gone wrong on Day 1, learning to live, the solo mistake, losing the fight to sleep, the mentality, “I want it to be as hard as it can possibly be” and why, not ungrateful but, the trade winds secret, a BGAN, and building an association between hard and it’s rich rewards.

Days 5 – Dreaming awake, the pressures of time, foulies on and the cabin dry, arse dry battle, Denali journal, the interesting consequence of low-level discomfort, dropped standards.

Day 6 – Wired to find solutions, the introduction of routine and structure = mental resolution, space and freedom popping the emotional cork, good mileage, rowing my little heart out, a pushing to my edges.

Day 7- One week doing just one thing, unfathomable, living.

Days 9 – The biggest conditions the TWAC has seen in 10 years, the battle with no moonlight, an overnight storm, waking up to find you are minus one oar, self-loathing, deep reflection and analysis with brutal honesty, lazy and sloppy standards, the uplifting process of holding myself accountable & to a higher standard, a tough lesson, the incredible stories of Team O2 and Team Tenzing, the beautiful clarity a simple life of survival and existing brings and a simple 3 step process to change anything in your life.

In this episode I answer listeners questions sent in over the first 5 weeks. Tune in to hear questions answered on goal setting, purifying water on the Atlantic, what I did with Darien (my boat) after finishing, daily routine & mindset practices on board, my thoughts on building mental toughness and getting out of a rut, sponsorship & personal investment in the project and some questions from former British & Irish Lion Stephen Ferris asking about my experience with giving up and self-doubt

Day 10: Lack of choice and its rewards, patterning habits & building associations, choosing the hard road and shitting into a bucket.

Day 11: A close encounter with a tanker, a visit from a beautiful lady, the endearing story of Oliver Crane and the eve of the day I dreaded most.

Day 14: Imagine being woken up as you are catapulted, face first, into the side of a solid wood cabin during a capsize as a ferocious wave turns your boat over 360 degrees in a raging storm. Welcome to Day 14 on the Atlantic, also known as the craziest day of my life. This was a day spent at the edges of life as I battled my wits, fears and mother nature. 2 full capsizes, one where I hung onto the boat with one hand as I rode the capsize 180 degrees under water, calmly repeating to myself a practiced mantra for the very scenario, "squeeze your grip".

Day 15: Loss of memories and connection, issues and frustration with my steering and lack of control over the boat, getting weight into the stern of the boat, 3 Mars bars for breakfast, a gift from A-Team Adventures, a new waypoint 1350 nautical miles, a hopping mind and the focus shift from performance to survival.

Day 16: A large period of my morning taken away from rowing and progress trying to sort out my steering problem,

Day 18: Surprise and disappointment in myself and my output; night rowing and the allure of the cabin lights; my race is over after 700 miles; conditions change and the daunting reality of the mammoth task ahead without a functioning steering system; getting spat out of wind tunnels and the exhausting process to try to get back in; the colossal upper body strength needed to realign the boat and the demoralising reality that this fight was never one I could win but would be faced with daily; my connection puzzle/strategy, letters from home and an emotional punch in the gut; a ship and a dredger so far from land?; A competitive animal by nature or nurture.

Day 24: An ocean rowing warning playing out, 'Everything breaks', My first video diary after 5 days of technical difficulties, Spares for spares, My one luxury on hold, 1000NM done, The story of a non-swimmers first plunge into the ocean and the reason behind why I had to do it, The electric blue of my first wash in 23 days, wearing something normally found on glaciers to keep me safe and alive & Having no Deathwish.

One corner of the vast answer to the title question. Striping back the layers of protection and exposure to thyself; 3 choices available to me with the exposed information; The empowerment of choosing the brave option & having a bit of fun in the process.

Day 26: Ill-disciplined start; The daily battles especially night time rowing; The stark difference between two spaces separated by one metre and millimetres

In this episode I answer your questions sent in over the past few weeks, such as, what to do during a major storm in the middle of the Atlantic. And why would a man who has stated to ‘not being a strong swimmer’, decide to row a boat across the ocean?

Sometime I feel like I don't belong in the modern world; Unleashing the wild man inside me; becoming uncomfortable in comfort; A coded deep communication I trust and listen too; Accepting my dark side; and feeding off actions that align with my values.

Day 28- Benign conditions; Hands flaring up dramatically overnight; This is exactly where I want to be, no complaints; Taking in as much as I can while I'm here; James Glynn and Joe Rogan Tweeting; Milestones on the horizon.

One of my favourite moments from the Marathon des Sables; Dense & intense skies full of more stars than imaginable; Magical!; A beautiful compliment shimmering on the ocean's surface.

Day 32: Pain meds & ceasing up fingers; Long duration events and finding psychological battles; Is this programmed?; Resets, visualisation and perspective. A shooting star or the International Space Station? Respect & admiration for Mark Slats

Day 36: A sleepless night with an unexpected GPS surprise at 4am; The hidden importance of a window of sleep; The absorption of some hard-fought miles; The real time reality of outcome focus versus process and a headspace treaty.

Day 37: 7 miles bringing mental deflation; Expectations are not my friend; Fighting winds but little mileage; The mindset that every moment counts.

My adult life = an obsession to get better, a desperation to improve; The genesis of this was a decision, my decision; Pain inducing questions I posed to myself; Find what's valuable to me with a boot to the face; My love for rugby and how it fuelled the person I am today; layering and rewiring through actions and experience; The surpassing of rugby as a prioritised value; The importance of "Body First" focus for me; Adventure the perfect fit to explore myself and the world; Finally my thirst for full responsibility for my own training is quenched; How an unstoppable concoction of elements push you to your edges and over, and that's where you learn, grow.

Day 39: In a mentally weak place; Wanting to stop, get off the oars, go to bed, give up; Thinking of things that were out of my control and it was weakening me; Negative thinking = "a sneaky little bastard that can seep into your thinking despite what you know about your psychological workings"; Awareness and analysis helped me reset my mind by redirecting my concentration to actions within my control; Getting back to an unbreakable mindset with 3 windows of effort; The power to take the hard option over the easy option; Turning around a "shit day"

Intra days: The birth of "The 4 Controllables" in words; How the accumulation of 39 days of fatigue, pain, discomfort, isolation, space, challenge and a will to be my best everyday led to me seeing clearly my actions and being able to word it; The essence of the method- a redirection of concentration after awareness; A state changer; The hierarchy of order of the 4 Controllables; The power of choice is within you no matter the physical state you find yourself in; What do those 4 concentrations do exactly?; 'Controlling the moment' - the present moment; How awareness unveils the innate laziness of our body; You can always do more!; Equally scary and empowering realisation; A spiritual moment in training described; How we have the power to will yourselves into calmer states despite the level of physical duress; How self-talk can do more than neutralise the power of time over yourself; Strengthening the process over the last 2 years by adding a training/practice structure; The steps in the process - prepreparation- Cues & Questioning- do the work - Reflection; Changing perspective and raising myself up with 3 windows of huge effort & buzzing into day 40 from that.

Day 40: If only our minds had a little off switch from time to time; fighting temptation and the easy impulses; Trying to find nonsense in my thinking; Being visited by a pod of dolphins; Seeing them surf down waves, go in and out under Darien, breach and play; The happiness and joy this induced in me as it was a huge hope that I would experience the Atlantic wildlife in its natural habitat, far from the maddening crowd;

Closing: Setting the scene of the dolphin pod visit; the demoralising effect of the sores; Playing and having fun in the waves; The amazing effect it had on my state, like their energy transmuted into me; So transfixed that I forget to try and record their visit until they had nearly gone; Greedy for all the experience an Atlantic row can bring.

Introduction: Visitors in their natural habitat on Day 40, visitors well distance from their natural habitat on Day 41.

Day 41 : Delighted with an extra 3/4 miles in the last 24hrs; Deceptive conditions; A visit from Thor!; After 41 full days and thousands of sq miles of ocean, I'm 1 mile from another ocean rowing boat; I can see Remolon from time to time between the waves.

Intra days: How I knew my race status; Welcome positive feedback for the hard graft being put down everyday; 18th or 19th of 21 at this point; The story of the support boat Suntiki, Remolon and my wild imagination; Along came Jorge! Who was also having an incredible crossing after his partner had had enough during the 1st week and pulled plant; Working harder now than at any time previously in the race and being the person I wanted to be on the oars.

Day 42 : Perplexed & Frustrated; Not anywhere near as competitive as I imagined; Some physical indications of my effort; Arse sore, a slow form of torture and needing 6 hours of sleep to help the discomfort the next day; Questioning absolutely everything after Remolon makes up 40NM on me in 4 days; getting no answers; "this isn't exactly the Isle of Man TT"

Intra days: Demoralised & dejected: Both of us experiencing the exact same conditions and Jorge disappears into the horizon! It rocked me!

Day 43 : The nightmare worsens as the arse sores become too painful; Who would have guessed ignoring the signals all the way back to Day 19 would lead to this; WORRIED; Sitting down is now agony; searching for solutions; rowing naked; Compromise, 20 mins on/off for 20 hours? "I want to be tearing into it and now it's like I'm on the bloody lake in Versailles"; Perspective on what's most important.

Closing: The 2 hardest parts of my crossing, Day 1 and The Sores and the crescendo of them on Day 43. The story of how I had let it get to this point.

Note: I am going to record a new outro tomorrow and add it to the Drive. So the audio from 3.27 on Part 7 will be taken out.

Introduction: I am desperate to live; Listening to my internal compass; Finding things very important during my search; The other side of the desperate coin = pain; Learning to listen to the feedback; Avoid, accept, change?; The need I value most in life is; An addiction on the truest level; Becoming good at finding a way to what's important to you

Day 44 : A progressive degeneration off sores over 3 weeks; 10 minutes on, 10 off for 800 miles?; Advice from Mr Ian Couch brought a solution; two 39-mile days which were huge for my psychological state; Adapted, kept grinding and found a way; Happy out.

Intra days: Atlantic Campaigns support; They've seen everything through experience and leading the safety of the race for many years; cutting up a spare seat I had put together made up of yoga matts into bits to raise the sores off the fixed seat; Talc clouds in the cabin and every other attempt at a solution; the importance of hitting those 39 mile days and continue to fight despite the situation; the power of the decision to take the hard option; build your relationship with yourself; Why I put myself in situations like these; the decision tightrope on the edges; Know thyself, Be thyself, Love thyself.

Day 45 : Best days mileage in a long time; Working hard for my miles and dodging squalls at 3am; Sores are finally less sensitive thanks to the perch; Psychological pressure point unveiled; Very sore fingers in the mornings before the blood gets flowing into them; Goodbye to my beloved nut butter combos; Loving it and having ideas for another ocean rows; Mimicking Russell Crowe in Gladiator while naked.

Closing: An indescribable adventure & challenge; exploring the amazing facets of the Atlantic and exploring your internal world; the manifestation of Project Empower; Stumbling on a concoction of super fuel; Claws in the morning are not conducive to untying and rowing; counting down the first 10 strokes each morning;

The epic story continues.

Keep striving for more from yourself.

Let's visualise! Me vs. me and no getting away from that battle. Stumbling on an unseen solution to the constant battle.

Day 46: 40 miles; Tough finish to the morning working against Northerly winds; Doubling up on breakfast & lunch; No salt, pepper or hot sauce; Singing songs about grinding; The holes are growing wider on the perch.

'Welcome to the real world'; Living in an avenue of life with, purpose, discomfort and lack of choice; Seeing the world differently because of the reality of a rugby life; Broadening my map of how I see the world; Grateful having walked in the gate of Galwegians RFC; Nervous system feedback at 11; Breaking conditioning & perceptions through the demands of professional rugby; My need for growth; I am an Explorer; The squeeze of external and internal pressures; My supports on and off the ocean; Justin Adkin's guidance and Ian Couch's suggestion.

Day 48 : A review of the last number of days; A visual of my perch; The holes of the perch are growing; Morale getting hit with the thoughts of what's ahead over the next 16 days; On a positive - over 2000NM rowed.

Intra days: Can we achieve our full potential without embracing pain? Learning from the reality of pain; 'I hope this is as hard as it can possibly be?', my adventure hope; Expanding one's map of reality; "Does this sound sick?", A fantastic opportunity to learn and grow from.

Day 49.1 : Feeling great after a swim and wash; Clipping some ridiculous toe nails; Scrubbing the sores; Savouring the experience and banking the memories; A flat calm day; 600NM from Antigua and people are worried about my approach to the island!!!; A very very special thing to do.

Intra days: What a difference 24hrs can make; The power of clipping a few toenails; Questioning my own sincerity 3 years later; My multipurpose cloth; Gritting my teeth for 15 secs and getting stuck into the sores, with effect affects.

Day 49 (Full) : 7 weeks done and dusted; Another milestone; Deciding to go straight West despite the conditions; Cranking out a few miles more than expected; 18-19 hours rowing in 24hrs bring up a big bruise in my hand; Going between naked rowing and shorts on; Best the sores have felt in 3 - 4 weeks; Spirits perked up. Days like these are numbered.

Intra days: Remembering the crescendo 6 days beforehand; Rewiring how I perceive things through lived adversity; A remarkable turnaround that would never have been perceived if it hadn't been lived. High spirits continued.

Day 50: Contrast my experience with yours over the last 50 days; My 5 senses minimised; A life striped back; An exercise in suffering & a strangely beautiful thing to do; Completely different to what I was expecting; A very special place.

Closing: Here we are on day 50 seeing the clear link between life of a professional rugby player, Purpose, Discomfort & Lack of Choice and exploration and extreme adventures.

How you can support the show; My week on Patreon; & The return of Freezbrury

In this episode Damian answer's listeners questions. Here's a favour of what you asked:

Why was it not acceptable, even necessary to 'horse' 3 Mars Bars into yourself considering the energy demands of what you were doing every day?

Would love to hear more about your exact diet on the ocean?

A panel in NUIG and a TedX Talk in Switzerland; An important practice in my life; Self-imposed barriers & untruthful perceptions; Discovering "false walls" on the Atlantic; Disturbing one's conditioning; A healthy, educational practice that does my head in at times; Why? Why? Why?

Day 51: A good day, 45NM; Rowing 12hrs a day now seems easy; My daily rowing, fuelling and sleeping structure; Regain some time lost from the Northerlies? Is the water heavier sometime??

Values & voids; A desire to be always better; Being an inconsistent rugby player due to lack of mental control; A huge output of energy over the last 5 years to fill in my void; A "body first" method of mental prep; Between stimulus & response you have the freedom to choose; 'Everybody has a plan until you're punched in the face' - Mike Tyson; Learning your mental game through lived physical experiences; 3 parts to my mental preparation; 1 "Internal" & 2 "External" elements to mental prep. for challenges.

Day 53 (NGU): Good conditions; Should be happy but battling my heart out; Outcome focused; The double whammy of steering & expectations; Affirmations with a lot of f@%ks; Emotional imagery = energy; "Never Give Up"; Find a way to keep going forward, even if it's by your finger nails.

Intra days: A real and raw experience captured; A philosophy I will endeavour to embody and message I will share when I feel applicable, A non-traditional use of affirmations; Reprogramming your subconscious with affirmations; Sets and reps to strengthen the mind; Peaking my mental prep. alongside my physical prep. leading into a challenge/expedition. State changers on Day 53; A 3-step process for Affirmations; One of my most valuable and used affirmations - "Nothing will stop me rowing the Atlantic"; Breaking my imagination patterning; The view from a small plane above my head; Feeling is emotion, emotion is energy; Linking a feeling to visualised imagery; Roaring defiance at the ocean through my affirmations; Struggles within my own affirmation practice and learning the skill of step 3; The inevitability of mental stress during extreme challenges; The support of affirmations to the other parts of my mental prep.

Day 53: Feeling completely undeserving of my mileage; A 11 hours sleep & questioning did I give in a little bit?; Peeking my head out the cabin at 2am and deciding it was never happening, same at 6am and 8am; Boat "chugging" along all night; Thinking there's a book in this; Never admitting something is hard; New rashes, fingers in a bad way, however sores are now a minor irritation; Great to hear Ireland got a win to start their 6 nations; There's a part of me that loves the challenges of the hard days; "If it was easy everybody would do it"; A regrettable lack of documentation from the first few weeks; 343nm left.

Closing: A weak attempt at writing the book; My love and respect for books; Writing my book when I'm ready and strong enough; A recommendation from a listener and their child to write a children's book about this row; Falling down around the parameters I set for myself and the importance of that to me; Not interested in easy & lazy, that side of Damian can "f&$k off".

A synopsis of days 54 to 57, including a strange psychological phenomenon of having no pressure after the sleep of 53; conditions becoming “pretty crazy”; Perching falling, sores and fingers; letting a wave penetrate the beautiful dry cabin at 4am; The Compass versus the GPS; Deepening one’s character through suffering and space; screening sat. phone calls; Worsening conditions; A crazy finish?; Sonic-booms and unseen squalls, A fist fight and some washing.

It's a long one! In this opening Damian explains why he finishes his episodes with the sentence, "Keep striving for more from yourself" and why he holds a philosophy/belief that "Life is a fight".

Day 58 'Fight' : An attempt to describe the journey; The monster that is the Atlantic; Howling, bubbling and grumbling away; An incredible challenge, the one I wanted; The harder it gets the more I relish the adversity; The difficulty in the consistent drone; Eating the big challenges up;

A toilet analogy to explain the subconscious signalling of why everything starts to hurt at the end of a challenge/expedition

Day 59: Arse sores back with vengeance due to wet days; Rowing without a perch for a bit; Everything starting to hurt; Signalling to "give up"; A wild night - Squalls and bombs hitting the cabin; Crazy painkiller induced dreams?

In the last listener’s questions episode, Damian answers questions on readjusting to life off the ocean and how quickly he put on weight again, when reality kicked in that he wasn’t going to win and the importance of having a better understanding of the challenge before setting such goals versus having big aspirational goals; did he ever just shit himself in the dead of night; the issues around questioning everything over preparation and has he ever ended up injuring himself by pushing through the excuses his mind can make up.

The final chapter in an epic tale and to reflect the journey as a whole, it doesn't end without a challenge; How 2 fried satellite phones and a misplaced finishing procedure hand out nearly meant I 'missed' the island of Antigua

Day 63 : 50 miles from Antigua; No personal diary made in 48 hours; Risking losing all my video diaries; 14% battery life and a dead charging cable finally; Loving the experience but ready for Antigua.

Closing: The reason behind not making a daily diary video on 62; Notes from 62; Did I speed up at the end?; The official waypoint from Atlantic campaigns is on land on my GPS?; First visual of Antigua was the light pollution around 35nm out and the first visual of land @20nm; "Is this island getting any closer???"; The terrifying sight of a long sea wall and waves crashing up its face as I approached from the West; A plan to stay safe and not risk the success of the expedition I have worked so hard to accomplish; A plan that nearly ends up with me 'missing' the island; Thankfully ABSAR got a visual on me; Turning due North and putting the hammer down for 20 hard minutes; Safety!; Manny & Gemma welcoming me to Antigua and guiding me home, plus a flotilla of local crafts; The confusion of not feeling like celebrating; Giving myself a moment to action my intuition; Accepting a flare from Manny and letting the emotion out; Officially crossed the Atlantic but you've still got another 15 minutes rowing to get the end; dodging super yachts; A pocket of green catches my eye as I scan the waiting crowd; Nearly falling back into the water after jumping off the boat; Dad to the rescue with a tissue and hug; Just wanting to get to my family; Hugs and tears; Words from my Mother; Beautiful moments with friends and family; Feeling like a circus monkey; The easy transition back to 'normal' life; The tradition of a cheese burger, fries and a beer, plus a fresh coconut from Ted Martin; Land legs and a ready family; "Surely it can't be that simple Doc?"; Not being able to use a knife and fork for about 1 week with my fingers; 4 months until they were normal; The week in Antigua spent with family and friends completing and fulfilling the project; Remember: Anyone can row an ocean.

SEASON 1

SOLO ATLANTIC ROW

INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH DAMIAN

INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH DAMIAN