‘As long as you live, keep learning how to live’
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It’s easy to be grateful when things are going your way; when you’re coasting along, the sunny days of life are plentiful and you’re operating from a place of safety, progress and calm. But could gratitude be found when you’re tired, tested and tormented? When the inevitable resistance of an ambitious life is at its worst; are we able to summon the perspective that leads us to a sense of gratitude?
This is the true crucible of your beliefs.
On day 28 of my North Atlantic row from New York to Galway, I was in a text message conversation with my weather router, Chris Martin. For the previous 48 hours I had battled servere currents pulling Cushla and I back towards America. It was a soul destroying experience; fighting to move the boat forward hour after hour and seeing that work undone in literal minutes once the oars were dropped. I’ll never forget one of Chris’ messages – ‘Don’t worry, just another 2 days of this and the currents should change’. I remember thinking “he can’t be serious, two more fucking days!!!”
Here I was living an experience that was beating the life out of me, where one minute of work felt like it took the amount of spiritual energy normally reserved for a full day. And here was Chris casually telling me, from the comfort of his home, that the situation was only going to last another 48 hours before it might change.
Check out this video I made on the day to get a better sense of the reality I was living
I remember catching myself on the downward spiral to victimhood. The “woe is me…” narrative was gaining corrosive momentum, focused childishly on everything I didn’t have. One simple 5 word question changed everything for me at that moment.
“Well, what do you have?”
I’ve said it a thousand times before but the ability to ask yourself the right question at the “wrong” time is one of life’s greatest skills.
This simple little question got me to focus on what I did have – food, water, safety, comfort (it was kind of possible), support and love. All of a sudden the view was very different and as my answer trialled off, I remember thinking… “and there’s millions of people in the world right now that have none of those things, and you have them all.” From that perspective, everything changed.
In a matter of cognitive moments I’d gone from “why is this so hard” to “I’m grateful for it all; the challenge, the discomfort, the difficulty.”
Suffering, be it physical, emotional, spiritual or all of them at once like on Day 28 is where the practice of gratitude becomes a weapon of transformation. When you can find even a flicker of thanks in those depths, you alchemize suffering into strength. That spark can pierce the fog of despair and illuminate a path forward, a path of awareness, perspective and connection.
The next time you find yourself spiralling mentally, emotionally or physically, interrupt the descent by asking:
“Well, what do I have?”
Answer it out loud or write it down.
List only what is present, not imagined, not hoped for, just what’s real in that moment. It might be:
This isn’t about pretending the suffering isn’t real, it’s about refusing to let it control your perspective. It’s about widening your lens and connect with a different reality once clouded by your mental state.
When you focus on what you do have, you reclaim the power from what you don’t. And in that shift, perspective starts to tilt, energy changes, and your experience becomes yours to shape.
Discomfort has a way of narrowing one’s vision. It pulls focus onto what’s missing, what’s hard, what’s left until it might be over. But buried beneath that haze of discomfort is a deeper truth – there are things no circumstance can take from you.
The ancient Delphic maxim “Know Thyself” comes to mind when I think about these moments. As the resistance, discomfort & pain strips away the layers we have built up and surrounded ourselves in, there lies an incredible opportunity to connect with who you truly are.
‘As long as you live, keep learning how to live’
~ Seneca
